Kashdan, Todd, Ph.D Curious? – Discover the Missing Ingredients to a Fulfilling Life, William Morrow – an Imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, New York, NY Copyright © 2009 by Todd Kashdan.
Curious about curiosity? I certainly am. So I picked up Dr. Todd Kashdan’s book by the same title…I couldn’t put it down.
The following are some excerpts to whet your intellectual whistle:
“What is the central ingredient to creating a fulfilling life? The answer is curiosity.” P.2.
“Being curious is about recognizing novelty and seizing the pleasures and meaning that they offer us.” P.3
“History is rewritten constantly and the past changes.” p.4
“Our moods change constantly and thus our ideas about the past change with them. As for the future, it remains unwritten. Anything can happen, and often we are wrong. The best we can do with the future is prepare and savor the possibilities of what can be done in the present. Only in the present can we be liberated to do whatever it is we want. It’s a razor-thin moment when we are truly free. When we are curious, we exploit these moments by being there, sensitive to what is happening, regardless of how it diverges from what it looked like before (past) or what we expect it to be (future). We are engaged and alive to what is occurring. We are energized. We are open and receptive to finding opportunities, making discoveries, and adding to the meaning in our life. To reiterate, it’s not about being attentive; it’s about the quality of our attention.” P.4
Curiosity is hard-wired in the brain, and its specific function is to urge us to explore, discover, and grow. It is the engine of our evolving self. Without curiosity, we are unable to sustain our attention, we avoid risks, we abort challenging tasks, we compromise our intellectual development, we fail to achieve competencies and strengths, we limit our ability to form relationships with other people, and essentially, stagnate.” P.6.
“Curious explorers are comfortable with the risks of taking on challenges. In fact, the most curious among us actually lust for the new.p.7
Curiosity motivates us. P.6
“Children are born with boundless curiosity. In the beginning, infants get excited by brightly colored objects, slight changes in the sound of their mother’s voice, and anything within their small field of vision.” P.7.
“But something happens to this innocent and courageous exploration. Society gets in the way. We are given an endless series of rules and obligations that keeps our curiosity in check.” P.8
“Following directions conserves energy, but following one’s unique direction expands energy.” P.8.
“Living a life of curiosity is not about ignoring risk and anxiety. It’s about doing what one values, even in the face of risk and anxiety.” P. 9.
“Few areas are more worthy of our time and effort than enhancing our ability to be curious.” P.9
“What gets in the way of our ability to adapt and return to our regular routine is the same thing we try so hard to get rid of: novelty and uncertainty. As long as something is novel, we are still in the process of finding and creating meaning.” P. 11.
“All of us, to varying degrees, are driven to seek out new and uncertain experiences. Although you might believe that certainty and control over your circumstances brings you pleasure, it is often uncertainty and challenge that actually bring you the most profound and longest-lasting benefits.p.19.
“Curiosity is about recognizing and reaping the rewards of embracing the uncertain, the unknown, and the new.” P19.
“When we embrace the unknown, our perspective changes, and we begin to recognize gaps – literal and figurative – that weren’t apparent before.” P.20
“Our “mispredictions” have tangible repercussions. If we believe that understanding everything, being able to confidently predict the future, and being in control are necessary, then we are going to drift toward stagnation. Doing things that are only mildly pleasurable, we will underestimate two profound sources of happiness and meaning in life: novelty and uncertainty.” P. 23
Curiosity creates possibilities; the need for certainty narrows them. curiosity results in exploration; the need for certainty creates closure. Curiosity creates movement; the need for certainty is about replaying events. Curiosity creates relationships; the need for certainty creates defensiveness. Curiosity is about discovery; the need for certainty is about being right.” Pp.23-24.
“Lack of curiosity is a breeding ground for: Stereotyping and discrimination, that in the extreme leads to hatred and even violence . Inflated confidence and ignorance that leads to poor decisions Dogmatism and rigid thinking, which is the opposite of psychological flexibility.” P. 24-25
“Each of us experiences moments of interest every day that we can either ignore or explore.” P.26.
“Take an interest in our inner and outer worlds with the same receptivity and wonder. This is mindfulness. P.28.
“It is possible that declining curiosity is an initial sign of neurological illness and declining health.” P. 35.
“This closed-mindedness is the springboard of prejudice and the rapid rejection of those who disagree or fail to conform.” P.39
“Play is curiosity and joy in a blender.” P. 47
“Absent of real danger, when we can’t act on our curiosity, we are left with painful regrets of what our lives might have been.” P. 49.
“Curiosity typically refers to a joyful, excited state. We enjoy the uncertain and novel because it piques our interest. We are drawn to the unknown by a sense of wonder and intrigue. Other times, we intentionally seek out novelty, variety, and challenge.” P.53
“If you fail to properly feed relationships, the fibers of intimacy can easily erode.” P. 64.
“The more curious we are, the more willing we are to exert effort and energy to engage in it. However, it doesn’t feel like effort because when we are absorbed and motivated, the effort is enjoyable instead of draining and aversive. When we are curious, the critical point at which our energy is depleted is pushed back, and we can persist at tasks for longer periods of time.” P. 67.
“Don’t do what I you should do (because of your gender, age, or career) or what other people do; follow your own sense of wonder and interest.” P. 71.
“There are times when we are curious about something, but we hold back lid don’t even consider acting on it, leaving us with what I call “unsatisfied, residual curiosity.” We deny ourselves the opportunity to do the things we are most interested in, and we end up with regrets and a disconnect between what we are doing and what we want to be doing.” P. 72.
“Don’t treat your goal of becoming more curious as something frivolous chat you can set aside because there are more pressing matters in your life. Health and family trumps nearly everything. After that, few things are as important as your well-being. Approaching life as a curious explorer is going to help you work toward greater well-being. Schedule time for novelty just as you would for work, medical appointments, or anything else that you would never miss unless you had a legitimate excuse. To be more curious, you need to devote time to change.” P.87
“If anxiety overwhelms our curiosity system, dictating what we do, then our plans for the future get hijacked. On the other hand, if we feel anxious, recognize that the future is uncertain, and willingly take part in the things that naturally interest us, a different life narrative emerges.” P.169.
“I suspect that the lost discoveries, accomplishments, and dreams of people failing to act on their curiosity are staggering. It’s hard to calculate the costs of unsatisfied curiosity. Who knows how many people lose out from never being the recipient of a person’s untapped strengths and potential.” P. 187
“Try as we might, it’s not possible to talk about making, finding, and creating meaning without using words like explore, learn, and discover.” P. 240
“Reacting and managing uncertainty with openness and curiosity is one of the ingredients at the heart of resilience and recovery.” P. 253.
You’ll truly enjoy this book. I certainly did.
