Hatortosis

Infectious Disease Alert #2004-321A: The Christian Center for Disease Control (‘CCDC’) has issued the following health alert for the Christian community in the U.S.: “It appears that the U.S. water supply has become contaminated with ‘Hatorade,'” according to Dr. Richard Shunk, Public Communications Director for the Institute. “We have confirmed millions of active cases and are identifying thousands more everyday. The outbreak has now officially been identified as an epidemic.”

Dr. Olaf Jensen, Director of Research, has led the team of researchers who have pinpointed the characteristics of the malady: “It’s odorless, colorless, invisible and tasteless. A highly infectious virus, it is transmitted through the water supply and water molecules in the air. At this point in time, ongoing contamination remains unchecked. The virus attacks the heart of the unsuspecting victim. We have identified the source as the evil one.”

Yet, there is hope. The Center has recently concluded in-depth interviews with 97 patients infected with the disease, who continue to be quarantined in an undisclosed location. The following section will describe the symptoms for self-diagnosis of Hatortosis, and the only known treatment/immunization for infected parties.

Symptoms:

1. Issue focused faith – The patient has become unequivocally enamored with socio-political issues. Their focus on Christ has diminished markedly, in some cases, altogether. They appear overwhelmed with concerns about what is going on in the world and have lost their ability to sustain a focus on their personal relationship with Jesus Christ.

2. Self-Righteousness – The need to have ‘right beliefs on particular social and political issues in our culture has become the overriding concern of the patient. They become obsessed with the current debate on specific social and political issues and have markedly reduced or abandoned their devotion and worship time with Christ. They begin to experience ‘hardness of heart’ toward others who have views on these issues that are different from theirs.

3. Hatortosis communication – Patients begin to feel distinctly superior to others. They think of those who hold views contrary to theirs as less than, evil and defective. They engage in distributing condescending, ridicule laden, brochures and emails. Although well-intentioned, they are outright attempts to garner support for their viewpoint on certain cultural or political issues. Their communication with others can be characterized as judgmental and the mongering of ill-will. The hardening of the vessels heart has set in and can be fatal.

Treatment/Immunization:

1. Read Mathew 11:28-30 ten times a day for 30 days. The focus of the patient must return to Christ.

2. Meditate on Luke 9:23-27 four times a day for four weeks. The patient must garner a new understanding of Christ’s command to “follow me.”

3. Review Proverbs 16: 18-25 – Heartfelt repentance is essential to recovery.

According to the CCDC, our future survival shall depend upon the extent to which we hear and heed the following: “Narrow all your interests until the attitude of mind and heart and body is concentration on Jesus Christ. “Look unto Me!” How do we do this? “We shall not become like Christ until we give Him more time.”