Day 44
Gasping For Air
As I watched the Porpoise, I realized that they broke through the surface because they, like me, were built to breathe. Sometimes they would disappear beneath the surface for several minutes only to reappear for some another breath of fresh air. That’s the way most people in my life seem to live. We submerge ourselves in life but are required to come up for air. As I watched the Porpoise, I decided to hold my breath while one of them was submerged until he/she breached the surface again. I don’t recommend that you try this as Porpoise are sometimes under water for a couple of minutes. You’d probably pass out face first in the sand, gasping for breath. I almost did. This experience reminded me that this life is filled with times when we come up gasping for air.
Air is a weird thing. You can’t see it, smell it, hear it, feel it or taste it on most days. Frankly, you rarely ever even think about it, except when you can’t seem to get a breath of it. As I write this, Pope Bendict XVI remarked that the church in the West is dying. He said “the West was a world that is tired of its own culture, a world that has arrived at a time in which there’s no more evidence of the need for God, much less Christ, and in which it seems that man alone can make himself. This is certainly a suffering linked, I’d say, to our time, in which generally one sees that the great churches appear to be dying,” he said, mentioning Australia, Europe and the United States.” [i] It sounds like the Pope is saying that the Christian church is gasping for air.
Saturday April 23rd 2002 was a beautiful day in southern California. One of those days filled with sunny, blue skies and seventy-degree temperatures. I played racquetball with some guys in the morning, lunched, read a book and took a nap in the afternoon. I went downstairs after my nap where my wife shared gleefully that “Niki’s on the way to the hospital!” Our daughter Nicole was about to give birth to her first child in Corvallis, Oregon. We prayed together.
All the arrangements had been made. Niki and our son-in-law Brendon had our cell phone numbers. The cell phones were on and charged to the max. There was no need to sit at home by the phone. We decided to go ahead with plans to attend a dinner party with friends.
On the drive to the dinner party, a strange sensation overwhelmed me. I blurted out, “Amanda! Amanda is going to arrive tonight.” My wife smiled and said “So that’s what you think her name will be huh?” Like I said, for some strange reason, I was absolutely certain about this, even though we had never discussed a name for the baby amongst ourselves, with Niki, Brendon, or anybody else.
During dessert, my wife’s cell phone rang. It was our daughter Niki. Amanda Shelby Kelley had arrived in this world about 30 minutes earlier. She was dead on arrival. She never had the opportunity to enjoy even one breath. We got up from the table and left for home, comforted by the attempt of well-meaning friends who uttered words we never heard. We were gasping for air.
It was during this time in our life that I realized that ours is the God of more. Just when I think I have this Christian faith thing figured out, something in life occurs that leaves me gasping for breath. It causes me to grow, to challenge what I think I know, to desire to learn again, to throw myself at the feet of Hope in Jesus Christ clinging to the only thing I know; He is with me. He is with me retching and balling His eyes out at the horror that is wracking my wife’s soul as she soaked another pillow case, with tears of incessant, uncontrollable sobbing. He’s with me during my inability to come up with words to describe the terror that is racking my life. He’s with me during the unthinkable.
We never received a card, a call, or a visit from anybody at our church during this time. However, we did have relationships with people who had a distinct appreciation for the necessity to need God in this life. These are people who had embraced the reality that life will serve up suffering the likes of which no person should attempt to handle alone. They are friends who live contrary to the Pope’s observation that people in the West live as if man alone can make it by himself. When you’re drowning beneath the unfathomable in life, the hope that God can and will reach down and pull you to the surface is indispensable. This is my Jesus. This is the God of More. He is there beyond the surface of it all.
Don’t expect some animated, supernatural demonstration of Divine power to display itself in front of your eyes like the scenes you are familiar with in today’s action-adventure thrillers. Our experience is God uses ordinary people to assist Him in his compassionate care for those He so desperately loves. When you’re drowning in life, it’s essential to have some people close to you who are floating on the surface, splashing the water so you know which way is up. These are people who can grab your attention to kick for the surface because they too have been where you are, submerged in the depths of despair. They are people who are willing to descend to where you are, grab your hand and drag you to the surface when you’ve lost the ability to kick for it.
For most of us, the concept of God is a weird thing. Just like air, you can’t see Him, smell Him, hear Him, feel Him or taste Him on most days. Frankly, for most people, you rarely ever even think about Him, except when you can’t seem to get a breath from Him, whilst suffocating in the circumstances of life. My prayer is that you will seek to become more familiar with my Jesus, The God of More. Kick for what He has for you beyond the surface of what you presently know about Him. Kick to know Him. I’m convinced He’s the One the Porpoise celebrate every time they breach the surface, gasping for air.
On September 14th 2004, Samantha Ellen Kelley was born, two and one-half years after her sister Amanda. Samantha is healthy, happy and full of life. She is living proof that the God of More is with us.
If you get to heaven, the little girl throwing the stick in the river for the black Lab named Seymour; that’s Amanda. Jerald is standing next to Joseph holding Suzie Marie Pena. If Seymour is all wet and looks like he’s gasping for air, don’t worry. He’s doing what he’s always dreamed of. He’s living eternally with people who are enjoying the reality that “The Spirit of God has made me; the breath of the Almighty gives me life.” [ii] Just like the Porpoise.
By the way, you don’t have to wait until you get to heaven to live like this. Take a deep breath and ponder this for a few minutes.
[i] http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/world/wire/sns-ap-vatican-popes-lament,1,7954436.story?coll=sns-ap-world-headlines
[ii] Job 33:4
