Day 53
The Invisible Killers
A recent study indicates that Porpoises are being maimed and killed by phenomena they cannot see.[i] Man-made invisible killers like sonar are said to cause lasting health damage from hearing loss to death. An examination of the carcasses of beached mammals has revealed bleeding around the brain and ears, as well as kidney and liver lesions. Then again, there are those who doubt the above is true.
Imagine for a moment that everything we cannot see that harms mankind is illuminated in a fluorescent red glow for 24 hours. The air would be filled with a red hue from the particulates aglow that contain pollutants. The seas would change color and rivers would run red. A look in the mirror would reveal a red aura around each of us. Ours hearts, minds and souls would be particularly iridescent because of all the harmful thoughts, feelings, fears and less than loving sentiments we have harbored. For 24 hours, Earth would become the red planet rather than Mars.
Jerry was a guy who had it all: wonderful wife, two young sons, beautiful home, nice cars and a well-paying job. He hosted a men’s group in his home every Wednesday night where the guys would gather to discuss life and God. Jerry was a member of a new, growing, local church. He was very proud when the new pastor would mention his name during a service for his significant financial contribution that made a new program possible. Jerry was incredibly passionate about his faith in God. Yet, when Jerry shared with us, I always got this terribly uncomfortable feeling in my gut. It said: “I feel sorry for Jerry. He really wishes he could believe everything he’s saying tonight. I think he’s really struggling deep, down inside. Why can’t he be honest and just tell us so.” When I would approach Jerry about this, he would go to great lengths to assure me “I’m fine.”
Sometime during the next year, Jerry began to struggle. His business was failing. He began to have marital difficulties. He went on a few benders to blow off some steam. He saw his doctor and began taking anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication. After several months, Jerry claimed he was stable again and back on his feet. I didn’t buy it yet; Jerry was unwilling to talk about it to me or anybody else. Jerry claimed he was in control of his life and his relationship with God. “No Problem.”
The Police found Jerry in the driver’s seat of his rental car a few weeks later. He was parked outside a seedy motel with a front seat full of liquor bottles. He had shot himself in the head. He left behind a wife and two very young sons, and a group of friends who have holes in their hearts because of their inability to stop this tragedy.
A year after this incident, I realized that Jerry became a victim of what I refer to as bulletproof faith: An unwillingness and inability to recognize, express and confront the doubts, questions, fears, uncertainties and shame that inhabit the journey of faith in God. Author Lee Strobel captures the essence of the problem of bulletproof faith in the following:
“For many Christians, merely having doubts of any kind can be scary. They wonder whether their questions disqualify them from being a follower of Christ. They feel insecure because they’re not sure whether it’s permissible to express uncertainty about God, Jesus, or the Bible. So they keep their questions to themselves-and inside, unanswered, they grow and fester and loom until they eventually succeed in choking out their faith. The shame is not that people have doubts but that they are ashamed of them.”[ii]
I wish that we could see our planet, His kingdom, glowing red for 24 hours with the invisible killers of faith. If you were seated in a restaurant and began to choke on your food, would you excuse yourself from the table and stagger to the restroom to expire gracefully. Of course not! You look around the table expressing (the best you can) the helpless horror of choking to those around you, hoping that someone will lend you a hand and save your life when you can’t.
Bulletproof faith is no badge of honor. It’s a death sentence. It is a sordid attempt to mask the invisible killers of faith within people. Let’s get real and begin a regular process of authentically sharing our questions, doubts, fears and uncertainties about God, the Church and our faith with one another. That’s what Jerry would want. So does Jesus.
NOTES
[i] See National Resource Defense Council report entitled “Sounding Depths II” at http://www.nrdc.org/wildlife/marine/sound/contents.asp
[ii] Strobel, Lee The Case For Faith, Copyright © 2000 by Lee Strobel, Published by Zondervan, Grand Rapids, Michigan p. 227
